9 inches 1. 7 pounds
Kicking – middle of the night and at bedtime
“You don’t look pregnant at all.”
A quote from my mom. I love her, but sheesh is she ever happy? Being happy was good, getting married was great, getting pregnant was what she was waiting for, and yet I guess I’m not quite pregnant enough for her. I think unless I look like that kooky Kate Goslin with the tummy that required a wheelbarrow to maneuver I’m not up to snuff. Oh well, maybe at Christmastime she’ll be happy with my largeness. Jason was quick to point out that I very clearly look pregnant to him. One thing is for sure, I won’t be doing any of the naked belly preggo shots that seem to be so popular. I’m loving my baby belly, but I’m not naked in front of YOU loving it.
On the mental illness front, I’ve been reading the scariest book I’ve ever read. “The Girlfriends Guide to the 1st year” and holy hell – what have we done? I know that our life is about to change –it already has. May of the changes have been wonderful (my guest bathroom is now a sunny happy yellow) and I’m game for what is to come. I mean, I don’t have a choice. This ‘girlfriends guide’ talks in no uncertain terms about how real things will get. The lack of sleep, the fact that each week will bring something new to our lives, that I will wig out about something nutty like “germs”, how to pick a pediatrician and then the most helpful advice – make friends with the pediatricians Nurse. Apparently, she or he holds all the keys to our relationship happiness with the doctor. The girlfriends also talks frankly about what my body is about to go through and why the “jokes” about new dads not getting any sex is no joke. If the book is accurate, I doubt I’ll want anyone near me for quite a while. That makes me scared and sad all at the same time.
All these changes, including the body issues are temporary and I know we will settle into a happy routine with Lucy and we will make each day wonderful. However there are parts of me that wonder if I’ll be able to read a (non kids) book ever again or take a hot bath when the day has been frustrating. Thank goodness for a parenting partner because I’m confident we will tag team when things get hairy.
I feel badly for him though, because my pent up fear over this transition presents itself at strange times. I had a minor wig out on Friday when we stopped by Babies R Us and looked at the baby bottle selection. In my mind, the standard Evenflo bottles with the anti-colic feature will be fine – there’s no need to research or invest in other more “special” brands. Jason is a research guy and I have benefited from that enormously. I have not had to invest any time into which car seat is the best because he’s got it worked out. He’s reviewed technical specifications, user reviews and done cost comparisons. (Seriously people, don’t buy at a store like “babies r us” when you can shop around on line and get the exact same items for less at places like Amazon. This isn’t just a baby rule, but SHOP AROUND. eBay, Amazon frequently have new merchandise at much less the cost with little or no risk.) I genuinely appreciate his efforts to find the right products for our most precious child and love that he is interested, but some things, like baby bottles, I wasn’t worried about and I went to the crazy defensive place when I was asked to explain why I thought spending time on research was wrong. It’s not wrong. I just didn’t want to spend mental energy on something like that and want the standard bottles so that if they get left behind or lost at day care it isn’t an issue. Getting the safest car seat is fine, regardless of the price, bottles however are not life saving equipment and thus, non-special is good enough. (in my opinion)
It doesn’t help that I’ve got a cold that has been wanting to rage into a full force attack on my “can’t take Nyquil” body. I’ve been fighting a more tired than normal, less energy and a low grade headache for days. I’m trying not to complain too much because I’m already a special case when it comes to my health these days and I don’t want to use up all the kindness and care that is being generously thrown my way. I finally gave in and broke into the Tylenol stash (which is on the approved meds list) and that has helped. Keeping up with the water consumption is also a smart idea. I’m in San Jose this week and while I hate not being home, being sick away from home can be easier because I can go to bed at the insane hour of 8:30 and not feel at all guilty about not being a good companion to my most favorite person on earth.
I'm sure that all this worry will come to nothing, our lives will be grand and we will quickly figure out how to live with Lucy in a way that meets our needs. All will be good.
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